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Another round of Purple Drink, please

November 24, 2009

Not to overindulge on Purple Drink like the Black kid in the Sunny Delite commercial, but the Queens are finally starting to put it together. For the first half of the season, the Vikes played to the level of competition and struggled to find continuity on both sides of the ball. Sunday’s game versus Seattle marked the return of EJ and Fat Pat With the Astro Caps as game changers in the middle, the continued evolution of a fair and balanced offense, and an increasing awareness of an undeniable fact: the skill position players are the prettiest in NFL history.

It’s not like EJ Henderson or Pat Williams missed a ton of games this year — both have played in eight — but it’s the way they’ve played. I can’t really recall a game during the first half when you heard either’s name called much. Certainly not to the expectations of anyone involved. Henderson’s recovery from last season’s injury answered the production questions at the Mike spot, but William’s legal saga and lifestyle culinary choices extreme body mass more than explained his struggles, it had me feeling maybe he got old on us. And then Sunday happened. Good to have you back, fellas. Can’t wait to see you two meeting up with ‘Toine and blowing up Forte in the Bears backfield this weekend.

As the D rights itself, Purple Jesus and His Twelve Disciples continue to levitate their game to hallowed grounds. I’m talking Ninety-Eight isht. I could make comparisons and bloviate until my fingers hurt from typing — Favre reinventing himself much like Randall; Percy Harvin as Randy Moss-meets-David Palmer; the Visanthe Shiancoe/Andrew Glover corollary; the solid lines blending Pro Bowl-caliber veterans and young, unproven talent; etc etc etc — but I will refrain at this premature juncture. It’s too early. I will say that our receiver corps and running backs are emerging as the most talented group in the league. More freaks than a Cancun foam party.

All of which makes my last point more palatable for the average Iron Range-diehard — the starting receivers and back are beyond good looking or even metrosexual. Sorry to say this, but Bernard Berrian, Sidney Rice, and Adrian Peterson look like they could be Prince’s backup singers circa Graffiti Bridge they’re so pretty. His whole fashionista ambitions aside, Bernard Berrian’s game face approximates Zoolander’s Blue Steel and his voice sounds like Ralph Tresvant in “Cool It Now.” And his hamstring is more tender than the Butter Knife Steak at Murray’s. Pretty. Sid the Kid is pure dope on the field, but he also looks like a cross between the Predator and a My Little Pony. Prettier than a Wesley Snipes jumpshot in “White Men Can’t Jump.“ And if you see me, please don’t get me going on the prettiest running back in the NFL since Jamal Anderson. Dude spends more time out of his shirt (and sometimes pants) than LL Cool J and Tyrese combined. Soooooo pretty.


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