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Somewhere, Pigs Are Flying

May 26, 2010
by

BREAKING NEWS:

Sources close to Purple Pants, Green Jersey (I read the newspaper) have informed the website that Jared Allen has shed his beloved mullet. That’s right, folks; the flowing locks are gone. You may remember the mullet from such films as Jared Allen Spears an Elk or such iTunes applications as the official Jared Allen iPhone App.

What would possibly possess a man to shed his trademark hairstyle? According to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, it was love.

Allen cited his upcoming nuptials as the impetus for the haircut (I guess we know who wears the pants in that family), but he also assuaged his fans by assuring them the mullet will grow back.

I could go on to write a thousand words about Jared Allen and his beloved mullet-less do, but why not bring you all the glory in visual form? Behold the new, sleeker Jared Allen.

Photo courtesy of Vikings.com and the Pioneer Press

If you’re wondering why I’m writing about Jared Allen’s mullet, you’re probably not alone. Purple Pants, Green Jersey is going through some changes. In an attempt to legitimize what I do here, I am leaving no stone unturned, no “news story” unreported, and no opinion left unwritten. What does that rambling sentence mean? I’m going to be writing a lot more posts. So sit back, keep your laptop close by, and enjoy the ride.

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